Coping with change as a sensitive therapist

I’ve been reflecting on change a lot lately. Sometimes I actually like change. I get bored if things stay the same too long. I have enough high sensation-seeking in me that I crave novelty. I love trying a new restaurant, watching a movie I’ve been wanting to see, traveling and soaking in the sights/sounds/people/places. Even rearranging some furniture gives me that tingle of freshness.

I realize - these are all changes I can control. They are novelties I get to pick and decide when and where and how to explore them.

I adore this kind of newness.

Then, there’s another kind of change. The kind that happens when you’re looking the other way.

Like, when I learned my dad was in the hospital again and had to start dialysis.

Or, when a dear client tells you that they’re financially in the hole so much that they have to stop therapy and today is their last session.

Or, when your landlord says that they’re revamping the building and you have to be out in 60 days.

The heart-sinking, gut-twisting, panic-and-despair kind of change. These moments can rock our world and leave life feeling shattered in their wake.

Then, there’s lots of change that falls into the murky middle.

• The mix of hope and pride and grief as you witness a client’s progress in therapy and make plans to conclude your work together.

• The possibility and uncertainty when a new neighbor moves in.

• The frustration when you go to buy your favorite snack mix, and they’ve changed it and you have to decide between different options.

Change permeates our lives.

I have such mixed feelings about it, and in many ways, as a sensitive person, I hate it.

Routine and consistency bring me a lot of comfort - like snuggling into my fav fuzzy blanket on a rainy morning with my cat on my lap while I sip my coffee (my needed mix of regular and decaf so I don’t get too jittery, oh sensitive body). There’s a coziness and calm that I crave with knowing what to expect. Too much sameness, however, and I get bored and agitated.

And, as a sensitive therapist, I am all too damn well aware of my feelings.

Don’t you wish you could just turn them off sometimes??

I’m also very aware of the dichotomies of change. Don’t we spend so much of our days as therapists holding space for the both/and? And witnessing change in our clients - sometimes in the direction of health and sometimes not.

It wears.

Some days I’m overwhelmed by all the change. Some days I’m exhausted. Some days I want nothing more than to be a postal worker walking my same route delivering mail (I’m sure that job has plenty of its own stresses and challenges, but my escape fantasy is that it’s wonderfully routine and comforting.)

I know change is part of life, and life’s not fair, and blah blah blah.

I still don’t have to like it.

My sensitive side thinks and feels A LOT about change, and if you’re anything like me, yours probably does too. Our deep processing can be lovely and it can be fuckin’ hard.

So, I’m working on not holding things as tightly.

I’m trying to invite acceptance for the changes I don’t like. I still don’t have to like them. But, instead of kicking and screaming, i.e. sobbing in a heap on my bed, I can try to witness them and watch them as they go by.

Wheeew, it takes effort to rewire many years of habits.

And, I know that I can keep practicing.

Wishing us all the mix of steadiness, comfort, and newness that our hearts desire,

Warmly,

Ivy (she/her)

PS - How do you cope with the millions of changes that work and life bring? I’d love to hear what helps you! Shoot me an email.