I have a recurring dream about trying to reach a destination and struggling to get there. Sometimes this dream happens in a massive, fun-house-like hotel with levels that don’t connect, moving staircases, and elevators that shoot off into other places. Other times it happens in a vacation area. I’m on the beach or in the mountains or a city trying to connect with a loved one, and my journey becomes a maze as elements shift and change and I can’t quite get there.

I wake up from these dreams sweaty and agitated. They don’t exactly feel like nightmares, but they’re definitely unpleasant. They leave me with a lingering sense of frustration and longing and a little scared. (I have a huge fear of getting trapped in an elevator.)

I’ve been reflecting on change a lot lately. Sometimes I actually like change. I get bored if things stay the same too long. I have enough high sensation-seeking in me that I crave novelty. I love trying a new restaurant, watching a movie I’ve been wanting to see, traveling and soaking in the sights/sounds/people/places. Even rearranging some furniture gives me that tingle of freshness. 

I realize - these are all changes I can control. They are novelties I get to pick and decide when and where and how to explore them. 

I adore this kind of newness.

Then, there’s another kind of change. The kind that happens when you’re looking the other way. 

No matter how many times it happens, when I see a client out and about in the world, I freeze inside. My breath gets shallow, and my heart starts racing. I feel like I have a flashing warning light in my head - Danger! DANGER! Do NOT break confidentiality! 

I’ve been a therapist for over 15 years, and it still happens. The irony is that I don’t really mind seeing my clients in public (most of the time). I know I’m very fortunate to get to work with some wonderful people. In fact, I often think about how if I had met a client somewhere other than in my office, we’d likely be friends.

We live in a world filled with pain. Tragedies, mistreatment, and suffering are all around us. And, in the face of such difficulty, gratitude can feel trite. However, as highly sensitive therapists, we are very experienced with the concept of both/and.

We live with a mantra of:

My peace does not diminish another’s war.

My joy does not diminish another’s sadness. 

My love does not diminish another’s loss.

Our caring, deeply thoughtful brains and souls can allow both.

Are you a mental health therapist who has opened your laptop to start a telehealth session only to find that your computer has decided to require an update at-this-exact-inopportune-moment? Or, who has logged in to a platform to do something you've done 100 times before only to find that it's changed, and now you're confused? Who has seen a message from a client pop up and then forgotten to respond as you got pulled into the demands of your day? Not to mention, who has done the dreaded - double-booking of clients?? <shudder, shudder>