When you run into a client
No matter how many times it happens, when I see a client out and about in the world, I freeze inside. My breath gets shallow, and my heart starts racing. I feel like I have a flashing warning light in my head - Danger! DANGER! Do NOT break confidentiality!
I’ve been a therapist for over 15 years, and it still happens. The irony is that I don’t really mind seeing my clients in public (most of the time). I know I’m very fortunate to get to work with some wonderful people. In fact, I often think about how if I had met a client somewhere other than in my office, we’d likely be friends.
So, my panicked reaction isn’t actually about the client. Instead, it’s an amalgamation of my own residual perfectionism (Don’t mess up!) mixed with my highly sensitive nervous system (Alert: change of circumstances! Must observe and assess.) tossed with a big dose of grad school fear (Never break confidentiality [except when I’m supposed to], and respond in the most professional way possible at ALL times in ALL situations!)
It’s probably no surprise, then, that some fight/flight/freeze/fawn kicks in, my body feels tense, and my mind goes blank. I’m sure this isn’t helped by my feeling overwhelmed at trying to quickly think through the considerations of what environment I’m in, who I’m with, and how to be warm and welcoming if my client approaches while not disclosing any info that should not be shared.
Oh and remember how we sensitive folks need time to observe and reflect before responding AND how we perform worse under pressure??
Yeah, I am not at my best in these situations. I feel like an awkward middle schooler trying to ask someone to a dance.
On the surface, if the client approaches, I smile, engage, and try to say something welcoming. But, if I’m with someone else, I inevitably forget to introduce them to my client, which seems to make the situation more awkward. Now, my person is wondering why I’m being rude and ignoring them, and my client is also confused.
The good news is that these moments usually pass quickly. I have a brief, friendly exchange with my client, and we both go our separate ways.
Internally, I cringe for much longer.
Ughhh, why did I forget to introduce my partner again?
Did I say the right thing to my client? Was I inviting enough? Did I hold their container in the way they needed?
Did I come across as a weirdo? Are they wondering what’s wrong with their therapist?!
What I feel like doing
Instead of continuing to beat myself up or judge myself, I’m working on practicing more self-compassion.
For me, this means acknowledging how my sensitivity works in these spontaneous encounters. It also means recognizing how my own life experiences and challenges combine with my professional fears. And, it means trying to hold space for these realities without latching on to old narratives of self-blame and criticism.
Alas, it’s another growth moment - for better and worse.
I certainly never like feeling awkward. Especially not in a professional context. ESPECIALLY not with a client.
But, I’m a human and a highly sensitive person, and sometimes I get flustered and awkward.
What about you? Do your interactions feel stilted when you run into a client? Or, are there other times when you feel kind of awkward professionally?
Let’s share and normalize these experiences! We can support one another while we offer ourselves compassion for the cringy moments.
Just hit reply to share your story!
Warmly,
